Me no Malay nor Chinese

It is hard to be both a Malay and Chinese at the same time. Before knowing me a real "mutt", the safest route to take was to assume me neither a Malay nor Chinese - me was just me, a human being born in this world for a reason - only God knows what.

Being Muslim helps for "mutts" like me as "believe in God" not race was the defining factor to be accepted as a member of the society. In the "Eye" of God, one's steadfastness in his believe of God is more paramount than any other factors including racial background.

Henceforth me found deep solace in me as Muslim even after discovering me "real status" as a "mutt".

Thus the never ending confusion of me being no Malay nor Chinese has been resolved with me sanity still intact!.

The Malay in Me

Me Malay"ness" may not be apparent from me look. First impression was always deceiving as a lot had mistaken me for a Chinese or Japanese or even Vietnamese!

Being a "mutt" could also pose problems of its own. Your community might disown u just because of your appearance. The trust was also not there. They have to be convinced that me is really a Malay like them - 100%.

But then the "Malay in me" had given salvation countless of times when me life was full of confusions and when me is now.

Being Muslims, Malays are at their best. Thus the Malay in me has provided me with a strong insight into this life. Me is lucky to be born amidst this surrounding where there is purpose going through life-clear and simple...we are all going to die one day and in the meanwhile we are on this earth to seek God's blessings and forgiveness. Lets persevere and do what God has asked us to do, be kind to others, help the orphans and the poor if can and do it with utmost humility and sincerity.

The Chinese in Me

There were countless moments when people had spoken to me in Chinese before realizing me a Malay. True, dont judge a book by its cover, as me look more like Ma than Pa.

Look could be deceiving, me Chinese"ness" may not be that much left but in me there still blood flowing from Ma's descendants which could never be drained dry. This fact could not be easily ignored as it has been coded in me DNA even though me is officially a Malay.

The one thing that is obvious, me seems to be always thinking in a different perspective (at least that's what me think!) from the rest of the Malay crowd. Further, if Malays love entertainment and the easy frivolous life, these were missing from me. If Malays desire to be bosses and rule the crowd, this desire was not there in me. If Malay folks like to work for others, me love to work for me self.

There was not a moment in me life when the "Chinese in me" had not goaded me to be aware of the trappings of an easy life and losing the independent spirit in me.

Me & Pa

Pa was the opposite of Ma - very gentle and kind at heart but strict. Always the "perfect gentleman", Pa had made what me is today - softhearted and gentle.

Me recollections of Pa was not that much. The fact that Pa had sacrificed his "nomadic" policeman job to settle down in his village, surviving on a meager pension supplemented by odd jobs, for the sake of his children's education, would speak volumes about the man. Pa truly believed in education for the salvation of his children. Pa would rather be poor then leaving his children without a good education. To him, education is the key to a better future. Even though he did not live long to see that "future", me can testify that Pa was absolutely right!

Thank u Pa, thank u so much more, u did not sacrifice in vain, your children are now passing down your "key" for the better future of your grandchildren.

May Allah blessed your kind soul Pa aka Encik (we all addressed Pa as "Encik" or Mr maybe due to getting used hearing people called him so during his policeman days) - al-Fatiha.

Me & Ma

Ma was an adopted daughter to a Malay family. Back then, Chinese parents were poor and most looking forward to have boys rather than girls. Ma was "given" away from very young, over the years, she grew up a "Malay" and was married to a Malay - me Pa.

Ma was unlettered but knew how to read figures. Ma has a resolve made of steel. Never to go against her wishes if u were me. Ma's resoluteness was most profound. It has made Ma a beacon of hope for her children especially during trying times when everyone has long given up hope.

Despite her very rudimentary education, Ma had managed to turn us all into "people"- being successful in our own ways. In me, Ma has imbued a deep sense of commitment and responsibility to protect and to love those me loved most.

Me recollections of Ma during me formative years were very sketchy. All that could be remembered was Ma a very hard working mom - both inside and outside of the house. Never the one to give up easily, she would even do a man's job if that was what needed to feed her children.

Ma never tires bringing up all the nine of us siblings - may Allah has mercy and blessed her soul - al-Fatiha..ameen.